Change is in the air

I feel good that I'm opening a friend's eyes that she and I are victims of douchedom. We are hungry people, starved for attention and affection, wanting approval through our work. And of course, we were suckered into playing slaves to a bloody narcisstic.

No more. No More. Not again.

There Goes My Baby

The thought of moving has been a tiny seed for the past few years. More often than not, it was a thought of despair. It takes so much effort and energy and preparation to sell a house, but I'm trying to put in battle plans.

I want so much to be close to my family, but I don't think I'd ever be happy there. So California beckons....

No more re-runs

I have to stop for a moment and decide what do I get out of all this?  I mean, I seem to be helping and aiding others, but is it wrong to want some sense of satisfaction myself?

All this disappointment this week, and all I can do is delve.

Why I hate this place

So a friend of mine got laid off earlier this week.

I thought I'd be nice, invite him and a friend of his over for dinner and a movie. Booked 3 days in advance.

Got a text at 4pm today. "Hey, we're going out to see a movie instead. See ya!"

And people wonder why I hate this place.

I wish I was ready to move..... this has been a crap week.

Crazy in the heat

There is something in the heat. People are going crazy. And some people are just clueless about their bad manners, their idiocy, just clueless.

Heat

it is uncomfortably hot in town. I prefer the air conditioning of my house than the hot and humid outdoors.

i'm in a mixed mood. sort of pleased with myself. sort of tired. sort of wishing for the next step in my publishing career - the all important CHECK as well as the title and release date.  It's been agonizing waiting all this time.

i want very much to help launch my young discovery.... it's been interesting learning about his personality - the how and why he reacts to things.

surprise

i like making people happy. i am a mirror. my joy is watching other people's joy.  what would the shrink say about that?

irritation

long day today. hot.  and I'm mildly irritated at my new friends who seem evasive about a couple issues regarding money and roles.  I'm not going to go down that path again. A part of me just wants to enjoy life, another part of me wants to fix the errors of the past.

Dreams

Had a weird dream that this guy I knew hooked up with a friendgirl at the House of Spirits.  I was annoyed. I asked, "If you can hook up with her, why don't you ask her to help you?"

And he was very nonchalant that he was just getting laid, and not asking for help.

So odd, so real.

Kick Ass

it actually says inscribed in my wedding band "Together, we'll Kick Ass."

Love and Human Remains

Never saw the movie but was always intrigued by the title.

Crazy Girl is very off.  It's not just fandom. It's not just infatuation. It's this odd ownership.  And for a frustrated young man who is yearning for freedom, it's sad to see him ordered around like that. He flashes a little bit of irritation, but I get the feeling that he has sort of gotten used to his odd circle.

Time to grow!

Happy Birthday, Duh

Ah, regrets. I wish I was in the same city with my family.  But on the other hand, I had to pursue my dreams wherever they lead me.  And I'm sometimes sad it lead me so far away.

Strength and Confidence

Today, my young friend handled his first bad review - and odd review from a critic who took it upon himself to criticize a 2 year old Myspace page.  I was worried how it'd play with the singer/songwriter, but he figured out the critic's interests, agenda, and passions, and realized that we were going to have to be a lot more tactical when we're finally ready to go after the press.  It was a small test run, and I was so proud that this young man was undeterred, figuring correctly how to read the review, excerpt what we needed and to place the critic in the context of the great scheme of things.  Well done!

Recession fears

As a hopeful cynic, I have to remind myself to thank God, the Fates, Zeus -- whoever is looking after me. I've survived and thrived while others have withered.

I knew so many hopefuls back in Los Angeles who left, died, or dried up.  It's sad when a small flame is extinguished. Probably why I've always liked the role of nurturing.

But pragmatically, my job has been a blessing and a box of onions. Thank you, God, the Fates, Zeus.

Anti blogger blogs

I have always hated the concept of blogs.  It's like an open diary, but I've changed my mind recently thinking it's good practice to write in between and whilst one is waiting and waiting and waiting.

So this is my very first blog, and I thought I'd chronicle a little about the long journey I've had to getting published.

Many years ago, I had a very different life.  I worked with a friend of mine. I made his dreams come true because he promised me he'd make my dreams come true in return.  That may sound sappy, but it was a wonderful relationship that was warm and close and hopeful. 

I felt I had no great talents of my own.  My only assets were reliability, loyalty and marketing.  My friend had the great public talents and he was encouraged to become a star.

So after 12 years, our friendship was over.  And I was left with nothing but therapy and bad dreams.  I started to write a book about those years, and publisher after publisher passed.  I guess I should say that I tried to get a literary agent first.  It took me 2 tries, but I got an agent who finally got me a book deal after... good lord... 5 years.

I am waiting for my book deal to finalize.  And while I wait, I've discovered another star in the making. And I again feel I can help make his dreams come true.  But this time, I learned that only I can take care of mine.